I start this day singing praises! God is so good. I love when my thoughts get fixed on something that I cannot even put in to words and then He shows me what it is, in HIS words! That’s confusing…I’ll explain.
If you know me, then you know my struggle with my oldest. He is so many things; strong, wild, 100% boy and often defiant with a will that is stronger than my own. I am convinced that no child has ever been wanted more than my Maxwell, or loved more than my Maxwell (I know we probably all feel this way). Yet life with Max has been much more difficult than I ever anticipated it would be.
I’ve read every book on every topic that might give me some solutions for our struggle, I’ve studied every possible diagnosis that could be. While many of the books and experts have given me good tidbits, none could tell me how to get through the day with a child who seemed to love the struggle. You see the problem is not just that he is defiant or has some undesirable behaviors and it is not too much energy or lack of focus (he posseses all, but that’s most boys and a whole other discussion). It is more that his personality is so strong and I have often felt that my parenting has been toxic to him creating an explosive situation. While I knew in my heart God gave me this child and he has a perfect plan I just could not see how this could possibly be his perfection.
I have been intensely seeking the Holy Spirit in my life for quite some time now. Through church services, bible study, godly mentors and lots and lots of prayer God has been faithfully revealing himself to me. Not that I haven’t felt his presence before, just that I have felt like I have been missing something or some things. This week has been another revelation week for me in our study of patience. I see now that he actually began this work in the last few weeks (and years) to get me in a position to see him more clearly this very day.
Praise God, when He shows up it's always so much better than I thought it was going to be! At my whits end, finally, after seven years, I surrendered the fight with my son. I have stopped fighting and am giving him all the attention, all the praise, all the time that he requires. That probably seems like Mommy 101, but unless you have had a Max you cannot understand what I'm saying. He requires my FULL attention most of every day and CONSTANT praise; he needs so much more time than I have been willing to give up. Funny thing is it doesn't feel overwhelming, it feels like something in me broke and the pressure was released, quietly and peacefully. Like I have a patience that is not my own.
As I studied the bible this morning, Beth Moore (in the study Living Beyond Yourself) was explaining that there are two distinct types of patience in the greek language. The first is hupomone which is endurance in relation to things or circumstances and is inspired by hope. This is what I have been relying on (to all of you my friends who always say "you are so patient"). The second is makrothumia which is the endurace we need for people and is inspired by mercy. Beth says this "patience is a release of the fruit of the Holy Spirit;it is the supernatural outcome of being filled with the Holy Spirit. Makrothumia is impossible except when expressed by God through us". This is it, what I have been so desperately needing and what he has made available to me to raise my sweet children. This is why Jesus told us when we are focused on HIM he will give us all that we need.
THANK YOU JESUS! Your way is always better than mine and always worth the wait! Now I can get on with loving my boy and all of my babes the way you intended me to!
