Now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God---all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done for us in making us friends of God. Romans 5:11

Some days I don't know how to do this life with out a momma. Some days my life feels like a mess and I need to hear her telling me that I'm doing o.k. Life has always felt so short to do all that I want to do, but now it just feels so long. How on earth can I do even another 30 years with out her?

But then, my Jesus, my friend, takes me by the hand and tells me that I am doing o.k., just follow my voice he tells me. I will.

I will feast on his word. I will rise early to seek him. He is my light. Sadness takes over in the darkness of night. Have you ever noticed that? When the sun goes down how life seems less bearable? I think that is why God tells us that when we finally see him, we will no longer need the sun to light our days or a moon to light our nights. Other than the obvious reasons we need the sun, sunshine just makes our spirit's happy. He is light and all that that we get from him will be all that we need. It is all that we need, but the world blurrs my vision, sadness blurrs my vision and I need to be reminded. As I walked this morning and saw all of his beauty around me and I was reminded, the Lord, my God and King, is my friend. Friends hold you up when you can't do it on your own, He is the Lord, He has the power to get me through this. I am so grateful for a God who doesn't just reign, but loves.

In the past month I have had the privilege of making several new friends. Making new friends is one of my favorite parts of life, so it has been a blessing to me. While at the home of my friend's mothers, Oli, my 3 year old, was calling her Grandma. When she told me, it first made my heart ache, but I heard him whisper "I will give you people, to get you through this life". Isn't he so gracious! He knows my need before I even speak it, and answers just when I need Him to.

I love you to the moon & back

Many of those who knew my mother have shared memories about what great style she had, how put together she always was, how particular about things. I agree, she had great taste, she loved beautiful things. For most of her life though, I'd say shopping was more of a hobby, she loved finding the latest & greatest coach bag or great jeans because it was fun! I'd like to share about two of her favorite outfits; two of my great memories of Mom.

The first has always been one of her favorites, for as long as I can remember. Her swimsuit, no matter if it was a new cute one or one of her oldies, being in her swimsuit in the sunshine was probably her favorite place to be. Sunshine brought happiness to all of us. We would play in the back yard of our ghetto apartments while Momma layed in the cool green grass from sun up to sun down. We were together and didn't want to be anywhere else. We had particularly special days at the rock quarry. Mom would pack a cooler full of fruit & soda, hot dogs for the crawdads and we would spend the day in pure bliss.

The second was her jeans and her Lennox sweatshirt, t-shirt, or an orange and black attire of her own creating. She would do it up and was always there, on the sidelines to cheer us on. Whether it was for Jen & I dancing, Jennifer winning the Spirit of Six with Ashley or Nickolas' football games, she loved it all. She helped make my colorguard uniforms, she created special hair ties for Jen's cheer team, she ALWAYS made it special. She made us feel special, like we were all that mattered in the world and we will forever cherish our memories of her.

Letting her go has been one of the hardest things we've had to do but it has been nothing compared the years of knowing she's struggling, especially the last weeks of watching her suffer. That wasn't how she wanted to live, her happiness was in the sunshine and now we can all have peace knowing she has eternal sunshine living in the light of God. I love you to the moon & back Momma, we all do, and I will see you soon. We will spend eternity in the light and this lifetime will have seemed to be just a beautiful moment.

86. 31 years worth of memories of my mother.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for thi is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thess. 5:16-18

77. Feeling the Lord's hand guiding me peacefully across the country.
78. Blue skies.
79. Red dirt.
80. Happy children.
81. My sweet husband doing what ever it takes to get me through this.
82. Finally reaching my Mom.
83. The comfort of family; arms that hold me up.
84. The smell of Mom's closet.
85. The love shared at the bedside of Momma and of a sad little sis.

Thank you, Lord, that I can see your light in this darkness

Praising Him durring a storm is harder some days than others, BUT it is always worth the effort! I've missed posting the last few Mondays, so I'll pick out a few (the last one is my favorite)...

56. My baby still sucking his thumb, he won't be a baby for much longer.
57. A daughter always eager to help out.
58. My Max so proud of his GOOD behavior.
59. A grin filled with holes.
60. Pea sprouts coming up in the garden.
61. A sad little sis at the thought of missing her brother.
62. The love my babes have for Grandpa! Shouts of joy when they find
out they get to spend time with him.
68. A spirit-led church family.
71. Friends who surround my Momma.
73. The comfort of my savior; how does anyone get through
life with out him?
74. People in my life who love me despite myself, especially my husband.
75. My son wanting so desperately to comfort me, wrapping his scrawny
arms around me and saying, "God has a plan for everything, Mom,
remember?"

For the few of you who may not know about it, (it seems now that I've picked it up I hear of it more & more) I am reading a great book, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  She is truly a gifted writer, which makes it so beautiful to read, but I think the "it" factor (for me any way) is the challenge to be content here & now.  There is nothing required of us to get this, just open our eyes and behold each detail that God has given us.  It sounds so simple...you just have to read it! 

So, I begin my list, a day late, naturally.

1. The sun shining off of Ganna's eye lashes.  A reminder of how he swept me off of my feet 11 years ago. 
2. Warm sunshine on my face.
3. 4a.m. wake up call to a child with the words "I need you mommy".
4. The deep-in-thought look on my son's face when he is "inventing".
5. My God not willing to leave me where I am.
6. Confirmation found in the word.
7. The stillness of the early morning.
8. Making new freinds.
9. The sound of 6300 women raising thier voices to the Lord, so powerful!
10. The smell of clean laundry heaped on couch.
11. A phone call from my Momma.
12. Friends willing to give up thier time so that I can visit my Mom!
13. Big smiles and hugs in the morning.
14. Energy restored.
15. The sound of my daughter's voice, "there is no one else for me, none but Jesuuuuuuuuus"!

Basking in His Love

I am so filled up by the Holy Spirit tonight, I just have to get it out.  I'm not sure that I even have much to say...I just want to rejoice with someone that God loves us so much.  Since my babies are drifting off to neverland, I can't belt it out at the moment.

I am so grateful for a God that accepts us in our broken condition.  No, not only accepts us, lavishes us in so much love that he will change us and put the shattered pieces of our lives back together.  He changes our hearts for good, if we'll let him.  I love that he leaves our memories, so that we will remember what he saved us from, so that we know the land that we never want to return to and most importantly so that we can relate with honesty and empathy to others who are walking through that land.  I can not imagine where I might have gotten myself if the Lord had not intervened when he did!  Thank you Jesus!  You are so good to me!

Goodnight my friends.  I hope that each of you takes the time now and again to remeber the places the Lord has intervened in your life.  I hope you can feel his arms around you and know that you are loved!

Divine Patience

I start this day singing praises!  God is so good.  I love when my thoughts get fixed on something that I cannot even put in to words and then He shows me what it is, in HIS words!  That’s confusing…I’ll explain.

If you know me, then you know my struggle with my oldest.  He is so many things; strong, wild, 100% boy and often defiant with a will that is stronger than my own.  I am convinced that no child has ever been wanted more than my Maxwell, or loved more than my Maxwell (I know we probably all feel this way).  Yet life with Max has been much more difficult than I ever anticipated it would be. 

I’ve read every book on every topic that might give me some solutions for our struggle, I’ve studied every possible diagnosis that could be.  While many of the books and experts have given me good tidbits, none could tell me how to get through the day with a child who seemed to love the struggle.  You see the problem is not just that he is defiant or has some undesirable behaviors and it is not too much energy or lack of focus (he posseses all, but that’s most boys and a whole other discussion).  It is more that his personality is so strong and I have often felt that my parenting has been toxic to him creating an explosive situation.  While I knew in my heart God gave me this child and he has a perfect plan I just could not see how this could possibly be his perfection.

I have been intensely seeking the Holy Spirit in my life for quite some time now.   Through church services, bible study, godly mentors and lots and lots of prayer God has been faithfully revealing himself to me.  Not that I haven’t felt his presence before, just that I have felt like I have been missing something or some things.  This week has been another revelation week for me in our study of patience.  I see now that he actually began this work in the last few weeks (and years) to get me in a position to see him more clearly this very day. 

Maxwell has been especially challenging in the past few weeks while taking a stand that he’s “not sure he believes in a God he can’t see” and maybe he “will just follow Satan because he doesn’t always feel like doing the right thing.”  This is difficult to hear as a christian homeschooling mom, whos whole reason for every day is to disciple her children.  Max is a smart kid..he also knows this.  So, of course, I had to start by limiting my reaction, but he is also persistent and after a few weeks he had me in a tizzy.  This was the perfect position for me to be in, down on my knees begging God to change him, change me and take over.


Praise God, when He shows up it's always so much better than I thought it was going to be!  At my whits end, finally, after seven years, I surrendered the fight with my son.  I have stopped fighting and am giving him all the attention, all the praise, all the time that he requires.  That probably seems like Mommy 101, but unless you have had a Max you cannot understand what I'm saying.  He requires my FULL attention most of every day and CONSTANT praise; he needs so much more time than I have been willing to give up.  Funny thing is it doesn't feel overwhelming, it feels like something in me broke and the pressure was released, quietly and peacefully.  Like I have a patience that is not my own.


As I studied the bible this morning, Beth Moore (in the study Living Beyond Yourself) was explaining that there are two distinct types of patience in the greek language.  The first is hupomone which is endurance in relation to things or circumstances and is inspired by hope.  This is what I have been relying on (to all of you my friends who always say "you are so patient").  The second is makrothumia which is the endurace we need for people and is inspired by mercy.  Beth says this "patience is a release of the fruit of the Holy Spirit;it is the supernatural outcome of being filled with the Holy Spirit.  Makrothumia is impossible except when expressed by God through us". This is it, what I have been so desperately needing and what he has made available to me to raise my sweet children. This is why Jesus told us when we are focused on HIM he will give us all that we need. 


THANK YOU JESUS!  Your way is always better than mine and always worth the wait!  Now I can get on with loving my boy and all of my babes the way you intended me to!